Good-Bye and Thank-You!

I would like to thank everyone for their support and confidence in the discussions and blogs. I appreciate the feedback and ideas that were shared. It is nice to know that I am not alone when I have an issue to resolve and I enjoyed sharing my insights. I also hope that I have helped in a small way through my discussions and blog. I am sure this course has helped all of you as much as it has helped me to communicate more effectively in both my personal and professional life. My wish is for everyone to use what they have learned from Walden University as they pursue their goals. I personally have another four courses to get through before I finally graduate with my MS in Early Childhood Education. I hope to "see" some of you in the next course; good luck and best wishes to all.

My contact information is as follows so feel free to use it!

     Jill Grimes
     Trinity Daycare & Preschool
     2402 N. Arkansas
     PO Box 4449
     Wichita, KS  67204
     316-838-0909
     jillosaurs@juno.com

  

Adjourning; Saying Good-Bye

I have been involved in many meetings and break-out committees in my career in early childhood education. Some were unproductive, some were very productive. I find the hardest group that I had to say good-bye to was the most successful group because we all had the same vision, organizational skills, and were very professional. We did goof off sometimes by sharing stories, personally and professionally, but these stories never interfered with our goal. Some of us in this group had worked together before and knew the norms, but the norms were still always explained to the rest of the group. I have also been in groups who did not have a clue what they were doing or where to start. This type of group usually did not meet their goals and, me being me, would take over on the side with like minded people and get results. It was not difficult to say goodbye to this group! When I do work in a group that is high-performing, I hate for it to end. The people in this type of group had the energy, knowledge, and personality to get things done in a professional way. 

The adjourning stage has some rituals that should be done before everyone leaves. Tying up any loose ends for the project is a must, as well as doing an evaluation, either as a group or individual. Spending time reflecting on what was successful or a failure, and identifying areas for development is important. I feel that the adjourning stage is important for closure that benefits everyone involved. 

I have "known" many of my colleagues since I started working on my Bachelor's Degree. I have read about your visions and goals, personal history, and situations at work in your blogs, the student lounge, and the discussions.  Thank you for letting me be a part of your life and I am hoping many of us can still stay connected even though we all lead busy life's. We have come this far in our education, and there is still so much more we can learn from each other.      

Conflict Resolution 

The conflict I am going to write about happened a few days ago. The parties involved were myself, a mom, and a step-dad who has never been in to pick up the child before even though the child has been in my center for over a year. Mom is a laid back type of person just like her daughter. At the time they came in to pick up "Kimberly," the two year old class had just walked in from outside and stopped in the bathroom for potty break. Step-dad rounded the corner and saw one child hit his step-daughter. He did not know at the time that his step-daughter had just pushed the other child off a small step that all the children were sitting on. He came into the office demanding to know what I was going to do about this situation and that I must hire more teachers for supervision. At the time I had two teachers with seven children, way under our teacher/child ratio. I explained to him the developmental stages of a two year old and what his step-daughter had done to the other child, and no, that it does not make it right for the other child to hit her back. He cut me off so fast and stated that if this happened again he would call his lawyer. I apologized and stated that since he feels this daycare/preschool is not meeting his step-daughter's needs, that today could be her last day and gave him the daycare lawyers name and phone number just in case he needed it. He backed down quickly, saying how wonderful "Kimberly" was doing here and that everyone was doing a great job. He thanked me, said see you tomorrow, and left; mom said nothing the entire time. I have not had any issues with the family since then. My center is a small Christian center with only sixty-two children. I believe this step-parent felt he could intimidate me with the "lawyer talk" and did not expect me to reply with my "lawyer talk." He did not take the post-it note with the lawyers name or number. 

One strategy that I have learned about is the use of the 3 R's. I am always respectful with everyone and felt that I was responsive to this step-parent by maintaining eye-contact and a respectful tone of voice. I did not want to sound defensive or make this step-dad look bad when he was addressing this issue. I wanted him to understand that I emphasized with him and the situation. I also did not want him to think that I was "all powerful" and knew everything making him feel small. When people can recognize and have empathy for their own emotional reactions, they have a better chance of being able to make a conscious choice on how to respond to any given situation. 

Another strategy that I have learned this week through The Center for Nonviolent Communication is that other people may attempt to use fear, shame, or guilt to get what they want and need from others. I believe that the step-dad was trying to "put the fear in me" by mentioning his lawyer. I also got a bit defensive and that is why I mentioned my lawyer which I should not have done. I could have done a better job on observing and concentrating on what he was saying even though he was verbally "attacking" me. If I would have done this, I would have been able to meet the family's needs in a more professional manner.  

My Communication Styles

I had a co-worker and my son take the tests to see how they felt I rated as a communicator. We all agreed that with the Listening Styles Profile I was a in group 1, as I am very people-oriented. Being in group 1 states that I am very trusting of others which sometimes can backfire for me, and it has! This reminded me of a situation when I was picked for jury duty and one of the attorneys asked me if I would trust everyone who walked into a store. I replied that since I am a Program Director of an early childhood center that my little world is full of trust with the children, parents, and staff, so yes I would probably trust everyone because I "live " in the perfect world of childcare. They did not pick me for the jury but everyone had a good laugh. My listening style is very important both in my professional and personal life especially when I am dealing with parents and their children all day. It is imperative that I do not "tune out" parents for the safety and well being of their children in my care. On the other hand, I do sometimes "tune out" some of my boring friends even though my non-verbal cues say that I am interested. 

My son and I both evaluated me as having a low level of communication anxiety, and my co-worker evaluated me as having a mid level of communication anxiety. I would tend to go with what my son and I thought, but I understand how my co-worker evaluated me differently. She does hear me complain when I have an issue about a child and I have to have a serious conversation with a family about their child's development or behavior. Because of my position of being a Program Director, I have to have a low level of communication anxiety because I address groups of parents all the time and I also teach child development classes. This also helps me in my personal life because I am not afraid to start a conversation with a sales clerk, manager, or even a person who is behind me waiting in line. 

My co-worker and myself evaluated me with having a moderate level of verbal aggressiveness which surprised me after reading the description. My son evaluated me with a a low level of verbal aggressiveness. I have been "watching" myself this week when I communicate with my staff and families, and make sure I do use the facts in my conversations and not to "attack" anyone personally.  

An insight that about communication that I gained this week is that my past experiences do make up my personal perceptions, but some of my perceptions have changed with age. For example, I know some people who shy away from people who have tattoos or piercings because they feel they are dangerous or illiterate which makes these people a bad influence. Maybe because I am fifty-five years old, I take things with a grain a salt. Most of my staff have tattoos; I have four myself. Parents will show off their own tattoos proudly to me and this does not change my communication outlook when talking with them.    

Culturally Diverse Communication


I do find myself communicating differently with children, adults, and the daycare cat! For older people I tend to speak slower, louder, and maintain eye contact so I know they understand what I am trying to communicate to them. I check for non-verbal and behavioral cues before I speak. When I communicate to my staff, I use the word "thingy" a lot and they instantly know what I am talking about; sometimes they even finish my sentences because of the longevity they have with me. My daughter, who is also my assistant director, always tells me that if there is an issue and I am not around, she will "think" about how I would handle it and communicate my words to whoever she is speaking with; staff or parents. I have to admit that I am proud of her to want to emulate me! When I am with children, I always make sure to maintain eye contact and use proper English when communicating to them. I use the "mom" voice and look if there is a problem that I am trying to clear up. Sometimes this requires me to defined some words that I use. I have never used "baby talk" that some parents will not give up. But, I will sometimes use "baby talk" to Ms. Kitty, the daycare pet therapist cat. I talk to her all the time, asking her about her night as she lives at the daycare, and if she is ready to eat. Some of the children have picked up on this and will do the same thing. When I communicate with someone I do not know, a waitress/waiter or store clerk, I always use their name when I speak with them. It makes them feel "human" and not like a "machine" taking my order or ringing up a sale. They seem to appreciate it. 

 Years ago, when my daughter was three years old, my husband and I took her to the doctor for an ear infection. The doctor was Asian and I found myself talking LOUD to him even though he was standing right next to me. The doctor and my husband used a normal conversational tone, but not me. When the doctor left the room,my husband asked why I was speaking so loud. I was not aware that I was doing this. Subconsciously, I think that because the doctor was Asian I must talk loud for him to understand my situation. From there on out, I always remind myself of this when speaking with someone from another country or culture.  

Strategies that I could use to communicate more effectively are:
  
     *Keep the message simple, but deep in meaning. Depending on who you are talking with, make the message inspiring, something that is easy to relate to or to understand.

     *Listen! Use good listening skills and show a genuine interest by using the person's name. Be aware of the non-verbal and behavioral cues. 

     *Telling a story or communicating personal experiences tend to help the people who are listening to you to "tune in" better to your message. People tend to remember these stories and they can be strong positive influences on culture building communication and behaviors. 

Communication Assumptions

I do not own a television so I asked to borrowed a DVD from my son. He gave me Quantum Leap to watch and now I am hooked on this show!

Watching with the sound off was more difficult then I though it would be. The relationship of the two main charterers, Sam and Al, showed that they seemed to be good friends at some points, and yet they seemed to have a difference of opinion on some issues. Al's facial expressions were animated and he used his hands a lot when talking. It seemed like his body was always in motion whether he was singing, dancing, or pretending to swing a golf club. Al was always holding on to a small computer that he would type in something and then his whole body became agitated with it as he would start pounding on it with his fists. At this time his facial expressions would show anger. Sam always looked confused when someone other than Al was talking to him, but he did smile a lot. I did not understand why Al could act goofy and not have the other people around him say anything. When Sam looked at himself in a mirror, it was a different person looking back at him. Apparently Sam was the only one who could actually see Al and Al would appear and disappear at will which startled Sam.

Watching this show was definitely more fun with the sound on. With the sound on, I could see that Sam and Al were good friends and my interpretation of this was right.  Al was Sam's sidekick but Sam was the only one who could see him and that is why Al could act goofy and get away with it.  When Al could not get the information from his hand held computer, he was upset and would usually disappear. I now understand why Sam appeared to almost always have a confused look on his face as he "leaped" back into time and had no clue where he was or who the people around him were. I just thought he looked confused because of the things Al would tell him from his computer. 

I believe my assumptions would be spot on if I actually watched a show that I was familiar with. It has always been said that one should not make assumptions. The nonverbal cues in this program gave me the message that Al was a happy go lucky guy and Sam seemed uptight until toward the end of the show. When I re watched with the sound on, I noticed that some of the nonverbal cues that Al was making did not match his words.  

Competent Communication Skills

My thirty-five year old son is very competent when it comes to communication as his skills began at an early age. He is very articulate when he communicates to anyone both verbally and non verbally. He maintains eye contact, keeps his tone of voice even, and is an active perceiver when he listens. If he does not understand the point or goal of the conversation, he will restate what he feels that the point or goal is. Because of his intelligence, he will strive to distinguish fact from inferences and communicates with knowledge. 

He is also aware of cultural context when communicating with others as he comes in contact with other cultures frequently. I have been modeling my own communication skills after my sons for several years. What I must work on is my listening skills. When I become lost with what someone is trying to tell me, I tune out. I need to become a more active listener.