Conflict Resolution 

The conflict I am going to write about happened a few days ago. The parties involved were myself, a mom, and a step-dad who has never been in to pick up the child before even though the child has been in my center for over a year. Mom is a laid back type of person just like her daughter. At the time they came in to pick up "Kimberly," the two year old class had just walked in from outside and stopped in the bathroom for potty break. Step-dad rounded the corner and saw one child hit his step-daughter. He did not know at the time that his step-daughter had just pushed the other child off a small step that all the children were sitting on. He came into the office demanding to know what I was going to do about this situation and that I must hire more teachers for supervision. At the time I had two teachers with seven children, way under our teacher/child ratio. I explained to him the developmental stages of a two year old and what his step-daughter had done to the other child, and no, that it does not make it right for the other child to hit her back. He cut me off so fast and stated that if this happened again he would call his lawyer. I apologized and stated that since he feels this daycare/preschool is not meeting his step-daughter's needs, that today could be her last day and gave him the daycare lawyers name and phone number just in case he needed it. He backed down quickly, saying how wonderful "Kimberly" was doing here and that everyone was doing a great job. He thanked me, said see you tomorrow, and left; mom said nothing the entire time. I have not had any issues with the family since then. My center is a small Christian center with only sixty-two children. I believe this step-parent felt he could intimidate me with the "lawyer talk" and did not expect me to reply with my "lawyer talk." He did not take the post-it note with the lawyers name or number. 

One strategy that I have learned about is the use of the 3 R's. I am always respectful with everyone and felt that I was responsive to this step-parent by maintaining eye-contact and a respectful tone of voice. I did not want to sound defensive or make this step-dad look bad when he was addressing this issue. I wanted him to understand that I emphasized with him and the situation. I also did not want him to think that I was "all powerful" and knew everything making him feel small. When people can recognize and have empathy for their own emotional reactions, they have a better chance of being able to make a conscious choice on how to respond to any given situation. 

Another strategy that I have learned this week through The Center for Nonviolent Communication is that other people may attempt to use fear, shame, or guilt to get what they want and need from others. I believe that the step-dad was trying to "put the fear in me" by mentioning his lawyer. I also got a bit defensive and that is why I mentioned my lawyer which I should not have done. I could have done a better job on observing and concentrating on what he was saying even though he was verbally "attacking" me. If I would have done this, I would have been able to meet the family's needs in a more professional manner.